i'm struggling today. rivers starts preschool tomorrow. its unbelievable that we've reached this point already. i know on one hand, i'm being a little dramatic. its just preschool. but i guess its more the fact that schooling is officially starting and from here on out, he'll have that outside influence. so scary! kinda makes me want to home-school. when i really stop and think about it, the scary part isn't just the bad things other children will teach him (i know that's inevitable). the truly scary part is that my child is a reflection of me & i'm fearful of my own shortcomings. i'm fearful of them being shoved in my face. maybe its totally crazy of me, but i'm feeling anxious and nervous about having prepared him for the outside world. i know he's smart, loves to learn, & will do great with montessori, so its not that aspect i'm worried over. its more the interaction with kids & teachers & other parents that really causes me anxiety. but to be honest, that's just me. i've always been reluctant of the unknown. i'm always anxious going it to something new. i'm always nervous about how i'll relate or get along with others. i just hope & pray this doesn't wear off on rivers. i do my best to hide it. i think most people think of me as a confident person, but i really do just fake it to make it. i hope he can't see through it. he's 3 - surely he doesn't... right!? my mind is filled with crazy thoughts due to preschool. and really & truly it has nothing to do with preschool & everything to do with no longer having a baby and my own weird self doubt that this phase has brought about. i know once we get settled into the new routine, i'll be ok. its just getting there, that's all...
if i feel this way over preschool, i can't imagine how i'll be feeling when we're sending him off to college. oh boy!!
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